A Baby Post

I know some of you readers aren't very interested in kids (or are you?), but over the past two days, there have been three things that came up in the media (CBS and Facebook, specifically) that have come up, and I will explode if I do not address them.  Say what you will about my opinions about babies in the media - please do take advantage of my comments section! - but, in no particular order:

• Octopulets' Family Filed for Bankruptcy (and had six kids before octopulets)
  
• Vaccinations are GOOD!  No, they're BAD!
  
• Having kids = bad or no sex, no money, and no life. 
  

Let's start from the top.  There are now reports all over the media that this "miracle," this woman who gave birth to eight babies after over 30 weeks of pregnancy, has a lot more dirt under her collar than thought.  First, it seems that she already has a healthy brood - six children, to be exact - and she is only 33 years old.  Two of these children are twins.  Somehow, she was able to go to a fertility clinic, ask them to implant fertilized embryos in her, and they decided to plant eight - EIGHT! - fertilized embryos in her.  And they all took, and she chose not to selectively abort them, effectively more than doubling her offspring in the span of mere months. Furthermore,  she is living with her parents in a two to three-bedroom house.  She has filed for bankruptcy and has abandoned a house already.  The grandfather is planning to head back to his native Iraq to bring in money to support the family.   And no one knows where the father of these children are.  

What kind of lives will these children have now?  No matter that, if I had asked for fertility treatments, I would not have selectively aborted them, either.  I think that's the only good choice this woman has made in her life, to be quite honest.  We have these fertility doctors at Kaiser who decided to let this woman participate in fertility treatments, even though she is a multiparous young woman who has plenty of kids, between the ages of 7 and 2.  Then there's the question that she abused her fertility medicine, which may have contributed to the sudden fertility of her uterus to accept eight embryos for implantation.  There's her parents who are somehow enabling this to happen by caring for the grandchildren, but also letting the mother off without any sense of responsibility to herself, her fertility or her independence.  

Last of all, the woman herself... I have to say it:  She is an embarrassment to women everywhere, women who have tried to convince others that they are equally powerful as men, that they should be treated the same, that they are capable of taking care of themselves.  Over the years, women have fought for pay equality, for voting rights, for positions of power, and generally trying to get rid of that pesky, cliched glass ceiling.  And then we find these women who make the news by having 14 children, living with their parents, letting welfare do all the work, with an absentee father, no less.  Who is to blame?  The woman?  The doctors who decided to allow a woman with kids to go through more fertility treatments?  The absentee father, the accommodating parents, the welfare system, who?  This country is already fascinated with the likes of Jon & Kate and the Duggar families, so it's no secret that a woman who had 14 kids in six pregnancies has created a sensational media lion pit, with people screaming about the miracles of medicine versus those who are sickened by the Baby Glut.  

Next:  Are vaccinations good or bad?  Who the heck knows any more.  You'll hear all sorts of arguments:  

• Vaccines are bad because of the mercury.  Vaccines are good because they removed the mercury in current vaccines.  
  
• Vaccines are bad because there are only outbreaks among the vaccinated.  Vaccines are good because they prevent outbreaks from turning into epidemics.  
  
• Vaccines are bad because they pump our bodies full of inorganic crap.  Vaccines are good because they help prevent diseases like polio, which, most people my age do not remember when FDR was crippled from the disease and wonder why there wasn't a cure or prevention for it.  
  
• Vaccines are bad because they cause autism.  Vaccines are good because we can't prove they cause autism. 

So, you get the point.  People have opinions about vaccines, and mine is quite simple:  I don't want unvaccinated kids.  Granted:  There are some vaccines that should be optional, such as the flu vaccine, which is based on a virus.  New Jersey recently put a very controversial policy that requires all kids ages 6 months to 5 years to be vaccinated against flu, and that I do not agree with.  I refuse to vaccinate my daughter against a virus, no matter how threatening.  At the same time, however, I don't know where you get your vaccines, but the ones I got for my daughter were guaranteed mercury-free.  I also do not feel like dealing with diseases that devastated the population, diseases that my parents remember, where most older folks see that the risks of vaccination greatly outweigh the benefits provided by saving our kids from polio, meningitis, hepatitis B and rubella (which is even more threatening if a pregnant woman is rubella positive).  

Furthermore, I take issue with parents who decide to lie to schools about their religious exemption from vaccinations:  These people claim it's against their religion to vaccinate their kids, but they just say that so they can get around it.  Look:  If your kid pisses in the sandbox, I'm not letting my child play in there until it's cleaned out.  The same goes if an unvaccinated child brings mumps to school.  Have fun taking care of them while my child stays healthy, okay?  There are countries in this world who still know what polio looks like, and it is horrible.  The benefit to risk ratio is clearly in my children's favor. 

Finally:  I am not going to let people without kids feel guilty about this one.  If you know deep in your heart that you do not want kids, thank you for making a conscious decision and being honest with yourself.  I am proud that you know exactly what you want, and your decision will not be scorned here. 

However, I do take issue with childless people who think having kids means you are banished to a lifetime of no sex (or infrequent, obligatory sessions), being broke and covered in baby puke, sacrificing your looks for rolls of fat and cottage cheese thighs, and sleepless nights that have nothing to do with how much you imbibed the night before.  These people perpetuate a myth that I, in my personal opinion, am offended by and would like to clear up once and for all:  You don't get what you want without a little work.  

1. You want good sex after parenthood?  Choose the time of day (or night) wisely.  Looking forward to a night of naughtiness is a lot better than wondering if you'll "get to tap it" after going to a bar and bringing home an anonymous bar crawler.  
2. You want money after parenthood?  No one is stopping you from working your job and sacrificing that new car you want, which is, of course, the most important thing in the world.  (Insert sarcasm here.)  
3. You want to not smell like baby puke?  Take a shower and find a burp cloth.  The baby puke stops for a while until they start getting sick for real - hah!
4. You want to not sacrifice your looks and get rid of the fat?  Then start working out like you used to before having kids and not buying so much junk food - it's the same thing your doctor's going to tell you, so that should save you the copay.  
5. You want a night with sleep?  Well, if you have a newborn, nothing's going to save that, but there are ways to get your kid to sleep through the night, in their own crib, at around six months of age.   You are not banished for life to a family bed. 
6. You want nice stuff and money to spend?  You're right - kids can be a wallet drain.  You really do have to choose carefully between your toys and your kids if you want to retire properly (which is to say, without the help of our government, who will burn through Social Security and leave my generation nothing.  You heard it here first, folks.)

In essence, it is possible to have a life after children.  Maybe it's changed, but you can still play by your own rules.  Parents are not asexual, ugly creatures who stink.  Trust me on this:  I have seen with my own eyes beautiful, appealing couples who love their kids and smell equally as fresh.  To borrow a personally hated phrase that is overused and will probably sum up my argument best:  Parenthood and sex/beauty/sleep are not mutually exclusive.  

I'd blame this post on my pregnancy, but that's too easy a cop-out.  There's also many myths that I would love to banish about babies, such as those perpetuated by commercials with babies in them, but this post is long enough.  I think I've skewered the popular media - and those who participate in it- enough for one day.