Would You Rather Be Called Satirical or Bitter?

I've been encountering some invitations on Facebook to participate in surveys about, well, me.  After reading a good 20 lists from my list of friends and being tagged by several, I decided to do a list, but at the same time, I wanted to protect some of my dignity.  

So with tongue in cheek, I decided to make a list that was truthful but funny at the same time:  Things that I wouldn't have a problem admitting to the world.  Things that maybe, if my boss saw them, wouldn't embarrass them to have me as their employee. 

Then I started reading some articles: namely two, starting with "25 Things I Didn't Want to Know About You" by Claire Suddath of TIME, and more specifically, "Here are 25 Random Things" by Douglas Quenqua of the NY Times.  Suddenly, one small Facebook meme started to spurn more journalistic inquiries than the economic stimulus package (a welcome change, in my view). 

I took issue, however, with Ms. Suddath's article and the way it addressed those who participated in the small chain letter.  I would agree with her on one point:  Sometimes there is such a thing as too much information.  There are some weird, even gross things I read about my fellow Facebook friends that startled me, considering that Facebook (or anything else on the Internet) should be assumed as permanent record.  

Yet, participating in spam/surveys is not necessarily an invitation for you to do the same.  I could feel the haughtiness oozing between the lines of her article, slithering across my keyboard and tempting my face into a righteous sneer.  So she doesn't want to share 25 things about her; great.  I don't even think I want to know now. 

The difference between these Facebook memes and spam letters, let's say, is that you are not wading through the spam forwarded to you by well-meaning others.  Facebook doesn't force the issue by emailing you every status update from your friends, unless you're being tagged in a note.  Even then, not many people will care if you ignore the tag, and from what my friends are (or are not) saying, no one is checking up on me to make sure I am reading all their notes published.  Eh, read it or not; the basic premise is, if you've got time, great.  If not, I won't take offense.  I promise.  (Plus, a lot of these Facebook memes do not threaten me with years of bad luck, take issue with my Christian beliefs if I do not forward emails, or otherwise try to guilt me into forwarding spam - a habit I gave up in high school.)

What I want to know from Ms. Suddath is an answer to this question:  How can one criticize pop culture without becoming part of it?  What makes you so high and mighty that you don't participate in it but still become the "expert" on why it's stupid?  Furthermore, when Facebook friend started quoting Ms. Suddath's article on the reason why they didn't participate in the survey, that was the TMI for me.  I don't want to know why you didn't participate; I really don't care.  But by quoting her article and telling me why it is a stupid thing to do spam surveys, you try to set yourself on a pedestal above me in terms of... what?  Setting yourself apart from the crowd?  Being unique, like a sweet snowflake?  Being cultured?  It's more like a cop-out :  Instead of battling the bull by the horns, or being impaled willingly to spill out the secrets inside you, you see the error of everyone else's ways and sit snugly in the audience, refusing to participate in something remotely exciting that may change the outcome of a seemingly one-sided fight.  This is what satire strives to do:  Becoming part of a pop culture sensation in order to understand yet unravel that which we accept at face value.  In doing this, we find out even more deeper things about the culture we live in, and most importantly, ourselves. 

Ms. Suddath, instead of participating in the spam survey and making a true art form out of it, has decided to become one of the snub-nosed, higher-than-thou types that refuse to participate in any kind of pop culture that has the ability to shed light on the ridiculousness of the situation, even while being a participant.  The ability to lampoon yourself is the best way to lampoon others.  This way, while doing something you don't like, it may shine more light on why spam surveys are more idiotic, rather than just saying so.  Ms. Suddath could have made a better article in TIME about this, but rather copped out and aggregated a list of her fellow friends' survey about the things they said about themselves.  While she mentioned no names, I wonder how I would feel if Ms. Suddath published something about me anonymously but without my permission.  (Like I said, you have to assume anything you put on the Internet is public knowledge and permanent record.  Some friend you are, Ms. Suddath.)

This is why I am publishing my survey that I put on Facebook, because I meant it in a satirical manner.  Call me the most snub-nosed of all, but at least this way, I can say that I did the survey, and now I can criticize it all I want.  

To wit:

1. I am tagging you in this note because I like to be a pain in your side. 
   
2. If you puke, I will not hold back your hair or stroke your forehead unless you're my kid. I will run the other way. Far, far away. 
   
3. I have lived through the drunk, deaf kids screaming and tripping the fire alarms at RIT continuously from 2 a.m. to 6 a.m. in the middle of winter. (We had to leave the building until the fire department cleared the area.)
   
4. I have lived in California and admit the weather is boring. 
   
5. The sushi is delicious, however. So is the lamb shawarma. 
   
6. I know how to pronounce Charlotte Beach and Chili, but have never had a garbage plate. 
   
7. Either my irritable bowel or sweet tooth will kill me. 
   
8. I hope it's my irritable bowel, because that means I will still be skinny. (Laugh, people.)
   
9. I am shamelessly happy that my stomach does not have stretch marks. They are in other places, but not on my belly. 
   
10. My husband won't take my nonsense, which is nice. 
    
11. I still dish it out anyways. 
    
12. I type for a living. This means that Guitar Hero makes my carpal tunnel flare up. 
    
13. Ladies: If you become pregnant, beware the uncontrollable burps and flatulence. Guys: Beware of this. This is why you are not able to get pregnant, because it happens to you anyways.
    
14. I have dipped my toes in both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans. 
    
15. Sea lions in the wild are nice to look at until you get too close. 
    
16. There are 100 pictures of me in my daughter's camera. 
    
17. No matter where you are in the world, the Internet makes it possible. 
    
18. I have Googled myself, and am relieved so far. 
    
19. I voted for the other guy because no one ran in my party affiliation. Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter are still idiots, however. 
    
20. I love clubbing but would rather do it in Europe or Toronto. 
    
21. Catholics don't worship Mary or saints. If they do, then they're doing it wrong. 
    
22. Every year, I love my body more and more. I wish I had loved my body more before kids, but I can't do anything about that now. 
    
23. If you walk out of your door in California, you are probably breaking some law. 
    
24. I have lived most of my life outside Steeler Country (Erie is not Steeler Country. It is a football mutt town: Browns, Bills, Steelers, etc. etc.) Now that I live in Steeler Country, I am weirded out by the jerseys in church, the multiple fight songs on WDVE, and the sweat pants. Oh my gawd. The SWEAT PANTS. 
    
25. I am separated from Kevin Bacon by four degrees.
    

P.S. Ms. Suddath, if you don't want to know anything about my life, quit stalking me on Facebook and reading up on me.  I don't care to know much about you, either, although I fear I know more from that article of yours than 25 Random Things About You would ever reflect.