Facebook Red Tape

So, lately I've realized that when I log into Facebook and Twitter these days, I find myself censoring myself before typing up a status or a Tweet. This is not necessarily a bad thing, because some days I'm prone to more profanity than others, but now I wonder why I'm doing it. Instead of these online tools opening the world to me, I find myself Tweeting a few times in my head before actually taking fingers to keyboard. There are three reasons I've identified so far, and there are probably more, but socializing online has created something of quandary for me when it comes to speaking my mind:

-Passive-aggressive statuses: Yesterday after the Steelers lost to the Raiders, I changed my Facebook status to "Defecting from Steelers Nation." Yeah, it was immature and in the heat of the moment, and I LOVE that one of my girlfriends told me to not take the bandwagon way out of it - she was direct about it and got me out of my funk. But then another friend updated her status later, essentially saying that "seriously, it's only a game... wow." Then one of her comments stated that she didn't hate the Steelers but didn't get why everyone gets so pissed off about their team losing. Look, maybe I was being a big baby that my team lost. Maybe she wasn't directing it at me. But then again, who was she directing her comments at? Couldn't you just comment on their wall and own up to your opinions? Just tell us how you really feel. Don't pussyfoot it. I can see everything that people do on Facebook... If we're so scared to have an opinion, maybe we should just keep it to ourselves.

-Family on Facebook: I love that my family is on Facebook, because I'm out of town and like to see what is going on their lives. At a Halloween party this year, I disseminated that fact to a fellow partygoer, who vowed that she would never, ever friend her parents on Facebook. She even looked a bit weirded out that I used Facebook in a different way than she did. Which gets me thinking: How we conduct ourselves in front of others is usually based on its social context. For example, we all act, censor and conduct ourselves in a particular way at work versus playing poker at a friend's house or partying at a bar. We are not wholly the same person in those situations. What does that say about our virtual selves, then? Who are you on Facebook? Who are you on Twitter? Can you say you're the same person in real life as on Facebook (and Facebook is NOT real life. I don't care how many teenyboppers say otherwise). But I will admit that there are some things I just don't discuss on Facebook because of who's been reading my status updates. I feel much more comfortable discussing some things in person.

-There's always another point of view: Recently I signed the Hopenhagen petition and posted it to my Facebook profile, feeling in a somewhat proactive mood. I got a comment from a former coworker of mine asking me to read a scholarly paper on the Copenhagen summit, which highlighted a lot of opposing points on which the summit might not be the best thing for the United States, and there were a lot of things to think about. Another former coworker posted (not in response to me) about the carbon footprint of the summit, and it was just awful: Hundreds of private planes, over 1,000 limos, and a mere five hybrid vehicles, because Denmark taxes the hell out of those suckers. Add that to the fact that there is a question of whether humans actually caused climate change, and the corporate sponsors of the Hopenhagen petition (Coca-Cola, BMW and Gap?!), I wonder if the petition truly outlined my hopes for how we conduct ourselves in reducing waste and not leaving so much garbage for our children. Regardless of whether the ice caps are melting because of humans or a natural change in the Earth's temperatures, we should continue our recycling habits anyway... but what are the implications of policy change for the world's most powerful governments and corporations? Is the movement towards being "green" beginning in the right place? Yeah, I don't know either.

As usual, I'm not sure if this analysis of my self-censoring will get me any closer to being more honest about who I am on Facebook compared to real life. I usually reserve my most controversial opinions about things to those closest to me, and my husband gets the brunt of it. These meanderings through social media have not only muddled what kinds of things I'm comfortable sharing online, but also ensured that anything I post is forever preserved on a server somewhere in the world, along with the other billions of Facebook statuses and Tweets that have come and are yet to be. If someone really cared, they could paint a picture of me using my entire Facebook history and come to a conclusion about who I am online. Would it be accurate to me, the person I see every day in the mirror? No. There are certain things I like to keep a mystery. At least the "About Me" section on my profile is completely and wholly reflective of who I am in person: "Come get to know me. I've got work to type."

Would You Rather Be Called Satirical or Bitter?

I've been encountering some invitations on Facebook to participate in surveys about, well, me.  After reading a good 20 lists from my list of friends and being tagged by several, I decided to do a list, but at the same time, I wanted to protect some of my dignity.  

So with tongue in cheek, I decided to make a list that was truthful but funny at the same time:  Things that I wouldn't have a problem admitting to the world.  Things that maybe, if my boss saw them, wouldn't embarrass them to have me as their employee. 

Then I started reading some articles: namely two, starting with "25 Things I Didn't Want to Know About You" by Claire Suddath of TIME, and more specifically, "Here are 25 Random Things" by Douglas Quenqua of the NY Times.  Suddenly, one small Facebook meme started to spurn more journalistic inquiries than the economic stimulus package (a welcome change, in my view). 

I took issue, however, with Ms. Suddath's article and the way it addressed those who participated in the small chain letter.  I would agree with her on one point:  Sometimes there is such a thing as too much information.  There are some weird, even gross things I read about my fellow Facebook friends that startled me, considering that Facebook (or anything else on the Internet) should be assumed as permanent record.  

Yet, participating in spam/surveys is not necessarily an invitation for you to do the same.  I could feel the haughtiness oozing between the lines of her article, slithering across my keyboard and tempting my face into a righteous sneer.  So she doesn't want to share 25 things about her; great.  I don't even think I want to know now. 

The difference between these Facebook memes and spam letters, let's say, is that you are not wading through the spam forwarded to you by well-meaning others.  Facebook doesn't force the issue by emailing you every status update from your friends, unless you're being tagged in a note.  Even then, not many people will care if you ignore the tag, and from what my friends are (or are not) saying, no one is checking up on me to make sure I am reading all their notes published.  Eh, read it or not; the basic premise is, if you've got time, great.  If not, I won't take offense.  I promise.  (Plus, a lot of these Facebook memes do not threaten me with years of bad luck, take issue with my Christian beliefs if I do not forward emails, or otherwise try to guilt me into forwarding spam - a habit I gave up in high school.)

What I want to know from Ms. Suddath is an answer to this question:  How can one criticize pop culture without becoming part of it?  What makes you so high and mighty that you don't participate in it but still become the "expert" on why it's stupid?  Furthermore, when Facebook friend started quoting Ms. Suddath's article on the reason why they didn't participate in the survey, that was the TMI for me.  I don't want to know why you didn't participate; I really don't care.  But by quoting her article and telling me why it is a stupid thing to do spam surveys, you try to set yourself on a pedestal above me in terms of... what?  Setting yourself apart from the crowd?  Being unique, like a sweet snowflake?  Being cultured?  It's more like a cop-out :  Instead of battling the bull by the horns, or being impaled willingly to spill out the secrets inside you, you see the error of everyone else's ways and sit snugly in the audience, refusing to participate in something remotely exciting that may change the outcome of a seemingly one-sided fight.  This is what satire strives to do:  Becoming part of a pop culture sensation in order to understand yet unravel that which we accept at face value.  In doing this, we find out even more deeper things about the culture we live in, and most importantly, ourselves. 

Ms. Suddath, instead of participating in the spam survey and making a true art form out of it, has decided to become one of the snub-nosed, higher-than-thou types that refuse to participate in any kind of pop culture that has the ability to shed light on the ridiculousness of the situation, even while being a participant.  The ability to lampoon yourself is the best way to lampoon others.  This way, while doing something you don't like, it may shine more light on why spam surveys are more idiotic, rather than just saying so.  Ms. Suddath could have made a better article in TIME about this, but rather copped out and aggregated a list of her fellow friends' survey about the things they said about themselves.  While she mentioned no names, I wonder how I would feel if Ms. Suddath published something about me anonymously but without my permission.  (Like I said, you have to assume anything you put on the Internet is public knowledge and permanent record.  Some friend you are, Ms. Suddath.)

This is why I am publishing my survey that I put on Facebook, because I meant it in a satirical manner.  Call me the most snub-nosed of all, but at least this way, I can say that I did the survey, and now I can criticize it all I want.  

To wit:

1. I am tagging you in this note because I like to be a pain in your side. 
   
2. If you puke, I will not hold back your hair or stroke your forehead unless you're my kid. I will run the other way. Far, far away. 
   
3. I have lived through the drunk, deaf kids screaming and tripping the fire alarms at RIT continuously from 2 a.m. to 6 a.m. in the middle of winter. (We had to leave the building until the fire department cleared the area.)
   
4. I have lived in California and admit the weather is boring. 
   
5. The sushi is delicious, however. So is the lamb shawarma. 
   
6. I know how to pronounce Charlotte Beach and Chili, but have never had a garbage plate. 
   
7. Either my irritable bowel or sweet tooth will kill me. 
   
8. I hope it's my irritable bowel, because that means I will still be skinny. (Laugh, people.)
   
9. I am shamelessly happy that my stomach does not have stretch marks. They are in other places, but not on my belly. 
   
10. My husband won't take my nonsense, which is nice. 
    
11. I still dish it out anyways. 
    
12. I type for a living. This means that Guitar Hero makes my carpal tunnel flare up. 
    
13. Ladies: If you become pregnant, beware the uncontrollable burps and flatulence. Guys: Beware of this. This is why you are not able to get pregnant, because it happens to you anyways.
    
14. I have dipped my toes in both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans. 
    
15. Sea lions in the wild are nice to look at until you get too close. 
    
16. There are 100 pictures of me in my daughter's camera. 
    
17. No matter where you are in the world, the Internet makes it possible. 
    
18. I have Googled myself, and am relieved so far. 
    
19. I voted for the other guy because no one ran in my party affiliation. Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter are still idiots, however. 
    
20. I love clubbing but would rather do it in Europe or Toronto. 
    
21. Catholics don't worship Mary or saints. If they do, then they're doing it wrong. 
    
22. Every year, I love my body more and more. I wish I had loved my body more before kids, but I can't do anything about that now. 
    
23. If you walk out of your door in California, you are probably breaking some law. 
    
24. I have lived most of my life outside Steeler Country (Erie is not Steeler Country. It is a football mutt town: Browns, Bills, Steelers, etc. etc.) Now that I live in Steeler Country, I am weirded out by the jerseys in church, the multiple fight songs on WDVE, and the sweat pants. Oh my gawd. The SWEAT PANTS. 
    
25. I am separated from Kevin Bacon by four degrees.
    

P.S. Ms. Suddath, if you don't want to know anything about my life, quit stalking me on Facebook and reading up on me.  I don't care to know much about you, either, although I fear I know more from that article of yours than 25 Random Things About You would ever reflect. 

Pass Me a Cane

Spotted on Slate.com, "The Facebook Commandments":

While college kids can get away with huge numbers of friends, the geezers among us should be a little more selective. And by "geezers," I mean everyone born before Ronald Reagan's first inauguration.

Reagan was inaugurated the year I was born, in 1981. (You lazy dolt, go get the calculator and figure my age out yourself!) Once you figure out my age, you will know why I'm still flabbergasted. I am nearly a geezer on Facebook. Pity party!

Have my digits, Facebook!

I noticed that there are a lot of "Lost my Phone" groups on Facebook, which I think is a brilliant way to get your friends to send their digits to you ASAP if the phone goes on the fritz. But as I send a private message to the person who did lose their phone, with my number in it, I visited the group and found that people were putting their phone numbers on the group Wall. Just... digits. Essentially placing their phone numbers on a free public listing.

Is it me, or is that purely insane? I go so far as to tell the salespeople at stores that I'm unlisted (I only own a cell phone) because I don't want/need strangers calling my number. I've had enough wrong numbers coming in that I don't even introduce myself if someone asks "Who is this?!" Does anyone in the next generation realize the Internet is a public place? Granted, you have to be careful with what you put into any website, as I mentioned in my phising post last year. Who knows how these websites store data? Do they wipe it out every year, two years, three years?

I love the word flabbergasted, but I'm even beyond that right now. Either they don't know that some freak could get their number and harass them, or they just don't care. Is there an Internet Sensibility group on Facebook I could point them to?

Spendthrift

There are plenty of Facebook groups that don't get my attention, but some of them, like this one, are centered around a day or event, and since the Christmas season is nearly upon us, perhaps we should take a closer look.
Buy Nothing Day is exactly like it sounds – on Black Friday, masses of people gather to show that they have taken a stand against the mindless American consumerism that has swallowed the season, and prove that the same fate will not fall on their wallets. It’s the one day to not spend, but instead to think about it.

Well, I think they’re doing plenty of thinking on this topic. I started going through some of the pictures posted, and the conversations that were initiated below them. I started recognizing a lot of the liberal type folks who I went to school with, the English majors who do a lot of reading, writing and thinking (unfortunately, sometimes in that order). Artsy folk, some would say. They throw around authors’ names like Chomsky and suggest you read up on them sometime before you dare engage in any kind of conversation with them.

Ugh. Nothing like someone throwing around their academia roots to make you feel like crap. But this isn’t about what was being said, wholly, in this non-buying group; it was the conversation that followed between my husband and me over an IM conversation.

I was especially intrigued by one gentleman’s comment that if America’s economy and dollar were to crash, there would be a lot of Wal-Mart dependent addicts that would know nothing about sustaining themselves. Then I started thinking about the independent business owners in the country, the modern-day tradesmen of our time. These people have navigated Big Government and figured out ways to do their own taxes, find their own insurance coverage, hire their own workers. Those are the kind of people who, after enough sweat and blood, figure out how to manipulate the system to their advantage. A very small amount of these guys get rich in the end, regardless of the status of the economy. They can’t lay themselves off; they figure out how to float.

So, thanks to these independent entrepreneurs who figure out the system, do we owe our gratitude or scorn? In one way, these people (like The Donald, for instance) have built up their businesses and figured out ways to function in a system with ever-changing constants. It’s like trying to solve a math problem when the value of ‘x’ keeps changing. That takes an amazing amount of work, talent, a little luck, and a lot of contacts in the Blackberry. These people, believe it or not, have invested insane amounts of money and time and sanity, sacrificing everything except the oxygen in their lungs, to become who they are today. They build corporations that provide jobs and benefits to huge amounts of people, encouraging others to work hard and enjoy their money earned.

But, do we scorn these people who build businesses that encourage the rest of America’s bell curve into the corporate middle class, earning money that they will spend on things that provide absolutely no return, mere status symbols, who take that money and recycle it back into the huge corporate world? Do they prey on our vanity and entice us with their merchandise, telling us the only way we can ever be better in this world is to buy their brand?

One thing about this is interesting, indeed: If everyone had the guts to sell their home, exchange their cars for a winter beater, go into debt by taking out a business loan, move far away from home and invest in thousands into tools and office space just to further their own lives instead of being dependent on Big Money, then what would happen to our capitalist society? As the Buy Nothing Day folks see it, capitalism encourages the mindless, relentless advertising to buy product that gives nothing in return, and we need to sit down and think about the effects of that over-consumption.

Well, what if everyone stopped “buying" stuff and started “investing” in their education in order to learn terms such as "assets" and "liabilities?" Sometimes it's as easy as buying a book or a CD and listening to what these rich folks have to say. What if we snuck out of the work week mentality and started using our weekends to learn and not just go buy beer or go car shopping? What if we started thinking about the reasons why terms like J.O.B. (Just Over Broke) exist? What if we learned that we don't have to buy a bigger house with our raises, just like everyone else does?

Blame who you want. It’s scary what kind of cattle mentality has been bred into the American Homo sapiens.

A Beacon of Truth

I found this interesting group on Facebook just today. It had me wondering - is Facebook really following me all over the Internet by using their Beacon feature, tracking my personal purchases, and publishing a story in my News Feed that I just bought "x" or "y" on a website? Yee-ikes. That's not cool.

But the thing is, I just ordered my Christmas cards on Winkflash, and a story didn't appear in my News Feed. Likewise, I bought a custom template (backwards, I know, but trust me) through Dimpled Bottoms Designs, and no story in my News Feed. Are these guys just trying to get our goat?

Well... you guessed it... there are two sides of the story. Instead of jumping on the bandwagon, I did a quick Google search, and found out that while it's true that this Beacon feature is an "opt-out" instead of an "opt-in," I wondered which websites were exactly affiliated with the feature.

Turns out there are 19 websites. NINETEEN. Out of the millions on the web, there are 19 websites that will offer you to publish a story in your News Feed. There are several ways to opt out of the story publish to your News Feed, but allegedly they are hard to see and use. Allegedly, because I haven't tried it. To save you the trouble, here are the websites that are currently affiliated with Facebook's Beacon feature.

Nineteen. Well, I can do better than harassing Facebook to change their Beacon feature. None of these companies are going to get my business until they decide to un-affiliate themselves from the Beacon feature. Passive-aggressive, perhaps, but I already belong to enough FB groups than to join one with a boring name and administered by no other than a spokesperson for MoveOn.org.

So, Facebook has discouraged me from giving my business, and eBay gets to keep my dormant account until notified otherwise. Two birds with one stone, and I actually did something about it instead of following everyone off the Beacon's cliff. Maybe not so passive-aggressive after all.