Painful Passports

Yesterday I decided to take a trip to AAA to get photos done for our passports. There is a good chance that Spencer will be traveling out of the country next year, and starting January 1, 2007, you won't be able to get back into the country (by air only, for now) without a valid U.S. Passport. Plus, there is a good chance we may travel with him and hence the need for our 18-month-old daughter to have to get a photo taken.

Before I go into the hellish-like details of this visit, let me explain what I learned from this visit:
1. 18-month-olds can be very, very shy.
2. Aforesaid 18-month-olds can be incredibly strong when they do not want to leave Mommy's arms.
3. Passport photos are an exact science (if you believe the government on that one.)
4. 18-month-olds are not an exact science and utterly destory the rules of science when they do not want to do something.

So, with those fresh lessons in my mind and looking back on the situation with embarrassment rather than contempt, I tell my tale. Be sure your doors are locked and the lights are burning brightly - it's a scary one.

We walked into the AAA and I asked for a passport photo for me and Rachel. The lady behind the counter looked at me askance, then asked me to follow her back to the small cubicle where they had a special passport camera and a chair, behind which a white piece of posterboard was hanging. All they had to do was get her to stand up on the chair, center her face, and snap the picture.

Her feet didn't even touch the chair when she wrapped her arms around me and wailed. I held her and shushed her, and she calmed down; but as soon as that chair was within reach, she started to throw a temper tantrum. People started poking their heads above the cube walls. A stuffed Elmo came out of somewhere while three girls tried to cajole her into sitting still; she screamed and threw her head back, kicking her legs while I tried to get her to stand up straight. A nice lady tried to offer her gum but that was respectively declined.

I got my picture while she tried to climb into my lap, still screaming, so we tried to walk around the office and calm her down. We came back and she was still having none of the chair, and the ladies tried to be nice by saying "Maybe she is tired and needs a nap?" while really meaning "Please get that screaming cherub out of here before she breaks windows!" I gathered my things as fast as I could, steaming mad and shaking, and stormed out of there with a sniffling child who'd put on the worst possible show I'd ever seen. I left my passport photos there.

While she is still a good baby, I'd never seen her so scared and therefore such in horrible spirits. Perhaps I was angry that she had made such a fuss as to attract the attention of all to me specifically, wondering what I was doing to her to make her so, but it was certainly not a side of her I was prepared to see firsthand in public. The doctor's office is one thing; I expected a showdown there. But not for a stinking photo!

Anyways, I returned to the AAA office the next morning to get my photos. Rachel was considerably happier now that she was firmly attached to my hip, and she gave out smiles and 'bye-byes' like they were out of vogue. Even the gentleman at the payment desk looked at Rachel and said, "You just weren't feelin' it yesterday, huh? Just wasn't the right time." Indeed. My own picture turned out to be truly the ugliest thing I'd ever seen.

P.S. There's a great site called http://www.epassportphotos.com/ that will allow you to create your own passport photo from a conventional digital camera, provided that it fits the stringent rules that are required. We were able to get a picture of Rachel while she was propped on Spencer's shoulders in the bathroom, and hers turned out quite beautifully. (Must have been feelin' it then.)

Now I will make a sentence (or two)

out of my new vocabulary:

"Generally, Beckies are not known to be Spencer. To be Spencer, you need to carry all that you have and search out those who are Rachel and give everything that you have; but beware those who are Rachel in disguise, because often, Spencer people are known to be poor of judgment and will often be robbed by said Racheled persons."

Kind of spooky, funny and plain weird at the same time...

Spencer and Rachel: I don't know what to say about these...

Spencer -- [adjective]: Benevolent to a fault 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Rachel -- [adjective]: Like in nature to a train-riding hobo 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Tuna Tin Head

Becky -- [noun]: A person who likes to steal tins of tuna 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com