Who is Ashley Madison?

If anyone can tell me who she is, I'd be indebted. I'd like to know why this muse has been the inspiration for a website called ashleymadison.com, "Where Monogamy becomes Monotony."

Recently, on CNN.com, a billboard ad featuring the words "Life is short... have an affair" has been the ire of Dr. Phil, Christian groups, and the target of many reporters grilling the controversial website spokesman for why they would encourage such a destructive act that destroys couples and families.

I decided to check out the site for myself. Surely this site was not advertising what we assumed it was - paying your way to an extramarital or open relationship with other like-minded husbands, wives or singletons. Was it true?

Unfortunately, it was true, and then some. An article called "The Myth of Monogamy" by David Barash, a psychology professor in Seattle, outlines the very reasons that humans, by nature, are being pressed by society to practice in something that is against our very nature. To sum up, humans are not meant to be monogamous. Like the female barn swallow who seeks out the male swallow with the deepest forked tail as an ideal mate, there is scientific proof that the female will "sneak copulations" with a male barn swallow whose tail has been artificially forked by researchers. There are several other species, and most of all of humans, who show that within their own respective societies that these kinds of open relationships or multiple marriages (usually, one man to several women) are freely practiced.

I am first of all surprised that I'd accept being compared to a barn swallow, especially in my regards to my sexual tendencies. The gentleman writing this article has first reduced humanity to a collective of high-minded animals who should be submitting to their basest, "natural" instincts. As a human who is capable of hatred, love, revenge or charity, I highly doubt that this kind of "natural" action would be accepted by the millions of people who have claimed to find their soul mate. It sounds like a contradiction, does it not? I find even more humorous that this kind of "evolution" should be embraced, the fact that humanity must "evolve" to accept this kind of natural behavior. Wait a minute. Last time, I heard that scientific evidence pointed to us evolving from apes. If we are returning to our natural state, isn't that called "devolution?" Isn't that a return to our natural, basest form? Why would this be called evolution if we were going BACK to our natural selves, and not TOWARDS a more refined, learned human state. That is confusing.

Ah, but it gets dicey. I started reading the comments from real-time users of AM, of course mostly anonymous, and found some interesting tidbits. People stuck in loveless, abusive marriages. Couples enlisting at the site in attempts at "open relationships." Women and men lamenting that the spark was gone from their marriage, and finding down-to-earth people at AM. Then I saw the words "soul mate" and "marriage" pop up in these comments. Then again, and again, and again. These people were finding the person they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. Wait a minute... what kind of tool is this? One woman suggested it was the best way to help men avoid resorting to prostitution, even though she claimed to be in a secure, loving, monogamous relationship.

So what kind of tool is AM, and what language is it speaking to this society of monogamy-centered people? Most have found their soul mate on AM, a direct contradiction to the claim of "social justice" that it aims to promote. Soul mate finder? Prostitution preventer? A simple social network of people looking for others who want sex? Ah. There are many of those kinds of social networks, but few that actually ask you to consider finding a spark with another human outside of the confines of marriage, to find the feelings of those raging hormones you felt when you met your husband or wife and now have been dulled over the years of monotonous marriage.

Perhaps AM is not the crux of the problem, although I do find it extremely troubling and lacking of tact or respect for those who do find marriage rewarding, liberating and yes, even sexy. Perhaps the crux of the problem is in the individual, the person who accepts marriage before they are ready, who accepts marriage for all the wrong reasons, the person who succumbed to the pressure of being married for the sake of it, for acceptance. The beauty of being a Christian is that some of us can be called to a life of being single. It is not a sin not to marry. Marriage carries responsibility, and this day and age, it's a tool for too many wrong reasons: power, money, social acceptance.

As I said, I find it troubling that we are being invited by some to return to our basest, most "natural" roots by finding the joys and liberation of being in open relationships or feeling the exhilaration of risk by cheating behind the backs of our spouses. Indeed, I feel it is the devolution of humanity to promote this kind of activity, a push backwards away from the capabilities of our beautiful ability to be educated and explore the world in ways we have not discovered yet. I do not envy those stuck in a horrible, abusive or unloving marriage; these days, it has been made legal to leave an abusive relationship, which is necessary. But for those who just want to get the rush, to feel the hormone-intense adrenaline rush of an extramarital affair, I ask: why use marriage as your own tool for your own selfish needs?

So, Ashley Madison. Whether you're a true-to-life mistress or simply a made-up moniker, you have been a tool for creating quite the titter-tatter among Americans who cluck their righteous tongues at your silly, derogatory website. Yet, I feel very strongly, we have a duty - as Americans, as Christians or as just plain humans - to yet again point the finger at ourselves and find how we can individually address this kind of behavior.